


Twink de Twitter

by MarthEmblem



Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Media, Twitter, also bg gueimei because hell yeah babey, burning rescue shows up sometimes!!, galo is pining and lio is oblivious sorry, it's mostly actual writing not just twitter posts, the promare don't leave, they are adults so they swear just a warning, they are interspersed, too many missed opportunities if i just let the promare leave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarthEmblem/pseuds/MarthEmblem
Summary: the real florida man @floridamansomeone PLEASE kiss me|Lio Fotia @BurnishBosswhore|Galo Thymos @BurningSoul@burnincowboy meis kiss your bfAKA: A series of connected one-shots about Lio Fotia attempting to learn about Twitter after the events of the movie.
Relationships: Lio Fotia & Gueira & Meis, Lio Fotia/Galo Thymos
Comments: 114
Kudos: 218





	1. Lio learns to keysmash

**Author's Note:**

> Title pending  
> anyways I see too many smut and angst pieces and I want some comedy centered around the Mad Burnish trio (who I never get to see be their chaotic, over-dramatic selves in fics??? y'all are missing OUT)  
> Also sorry the Galolio will be slow burn because Galo is pining and Lio is oblivious
> 
> This time: Lio learns to key smash

Galo stepped through his front door after a long day at the station. He sighed as he remembered the 3 calls about supposed "Burnish fire" that turned out to be caused by some anti-integration protesters. It was sick how far people were willing to go to prevent the Burnish from being reintegrated into society. Even if they still had their flames, there hadn't even been any actual serious calls about the Burnish causing fires since Lio had attempted to burn Promepolis down months prior. Aside from maybe one or two Burnish awakenings, the Burnish were residing very peacefully inside Promepolis.

And besides, these people truly were idiots if they thought a regular fire could even remotely be passed off as a Burnish fire.

He tugged off his boots in the entryway of his apartment before closing and locking his door again. Slowly, he made his way to the kitchen to grab a quick snack when he noticed 3 people sitting on his couch and watching his TV. Galo sighed and decided to address the problem immediately. "Hello, people who do not live here."

"Welcome back," Lio greeted, arm-deep into his (Galo's!) bag of chips. He sat between his two generals, legs spread wide to barely give them any room on the couch.

"Hey," Meis responded, eating a handful of his (Galo's!!) chips. His legs draped over Lio's thigh like this was the most normal thing in the entire god damn world (it was not!!).

"We ran out of Doritos," Gueira explained without being asked, as if that would help the situation (it did not). His head rested on Lio's lap (!!!) with his legs dangling over the armrest of the couch while he was browsing on his phone. Somehow Lio had not pushed the general off his lap or ended his existence yet. Incredible.

The three were the picture of comfortable. Galo bet if he looked in a dictionary for comfortable, he'd see an image of these three chilling on his couch without a god damn care in the world. Galo dragged a hand down his face with a groan, already more exhausted than he was earlier when handling the fake "Burnish" fires. He waved a hand in front of his face, not entirely sure where to begin. "Just...how did you even get in here?"

"Oh." Lio looked surprised at the prospect of breaking and entering possibly being an illegal thing. "Your window wasn't locked," he explained nonchalantly, immediately going back to eating his (Galo's!!!!) chips, as if he hadn’t just admitted to a firefighter that they had committed a serious crime.

Galo sighed and trudged to the kitchen to grab a different snack then what he really wanted, muttering a quick “whatever” under his breath. After grabbing a cosmic brownie, he made his painfully slow way over to an armchair, groaning and sighing to make sure the other three knew how unhappy he was with the current turn of events (he was absolutely sure they didn’t care).

As he sat down to check the news on his phone, Galo noticed that Lio was squinting rather harshly at something on his own phone (most likely a weird Twitter response). Lio opened his mouth to speak up and Galo could practically feel the absolute exhaustion that filled the room at this action.

“I’m confused,” Lio stated rather bluntly to the room. The other three occupants glanced over at the Mad Burnish boss, awaiting the inevitable odd internet humor to pour out of his mouth. “Why are these people saying they ‘stan’ me? Are they standing up to the oppression the Burnish face with me?” he asked, genuinely curious. “They left one letter off, though. I don’t understand.”

Galo snorted loudly in response while the other two Mad Burnish members attempted (and failed) to stifle their snickering. Despite gaining hundreds of thousands of followers on Twitter in roughly 4 months, the Mad Burnish boss hadn’t seemed to figure out the lingo just yet. “Nah, they really meant stan: S-T-A-N. It basically means they love and support you, man,” he offered as a simple explanation. Galo didn’t think Lio would be able to understand all the complexities of “stan culture” just yet, but Lio was truly trying his best to understand the internet (bless his heart).

Lio’s eyes lit up in understanding (Galo had no doubt he probably misunderstood) and he smiled. “Thank you, Galo. I’ll let my followers know that I appreciate their support,” he said with a nod as he began to type what would be yet another iconic Lio Fotia Tweet™.

Galo, Gueira, and Meis (along with the rest of Burning Rescue) had decided to just let Lio do whatever he wished with his Twitter account instead of having someone manage it to maintain a professional image. That meant letting him make some of the most absurd posts where he tried to connect with the people of Twitter and understand their humor. Galo expected immediate backlash and responses of “ok, boomer”; he had not prepared himself to watch Lio’s apparent success on Twitter skyrocket.

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Thank you all for "stanning" me. The Burnish truly deserve your support and I am glad to see you stand with me on this serious issue  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
boss please........  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
gueira just leave him be he's trying his best  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
What do you mean? I am always doing my best to help the Burnish. It’s what I’ve been doing for most of my life  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
sdhfjksdf BOSS 

Galo saw the confused look on Lio’s face and immediately glared at Gueira and his shit-eating grin, awaiting the inevitable. He heard Meis groan as Lio turned to his general. “What does that string of random letters mean? I see people respond to me all the time with similar posts.”

“Oh, I’m glad you asked, boss!” Gueira exclaimed with a wide gesture of his arms as he sat up, nearly smacking the other two Burnish's faces. “People usually use it in response to something funny that someone says or if they’re just overwhelmed with emotion!” At this he dramatically fell into Meis’ side and across Lio's lap.

“Or if someone doesn’t know how to respond to something,” Meis added while shoving Gueira away and off of the couch. “It’s called a key smash. You usually just type random letters and stuff.”

Galo watched Lio’s eyes light up in understanding once more. “Maybe you should try it,” he offered with a smile, hoping that Lio wouldn’t completely screw up this incredibly simple task. Unfortunately for Galo, he had no idea what he was in for when Mad Burnish leader Lio Fotia was involved. His gut immediately screamed at him “no, stop him!!” but his heart wished for Lio to finally succeed in truly understanding a part of internet culture.

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Watching Kray Foresight get arrested again on the YouTube nf43dj329dj10jdwi  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
LIO NO WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SO UGLY JSJDK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭  
|  
Aina Ardebit @ladyaina  
guys please stop trying to teach lio internet lingo i’m b e g g i n g you  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Did I do it wrong?

robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
the funniest thing is that as a gay lio should excel at key smashing but bro that is THE ugliest fuckin thing ive ever seen sghdj

##### TRENDING

 **The YouTube**  
5.3k tweets  
Lio Fotia and robot gremlin are tweeting about this  
**Lio Fotia**  
8.7k tweets  
**Kray Foresight**  
2.1k tweets  
Lio Fotia is tweeting about this

Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
watching lio attempt to understand internet humor is both the best and worst part of my day asdfjkjf help  
|  
robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
it’s the best part of my day lmao please bring him to the station more often so i can teach him more

Galo watched as Lio quickly rose to #1 in the trends and pinched his nose with a sigh. “Lio, how do you always trend when you tweet?” he asked, genuinely distressed about this. His gaze shifted to the Mad Burnish blob stealing his couch. “I don’t get it.”

Gueira laughed loudly in response to Galo’s crisis. “It’s because he’s the boss,” Gueira answered, completely unhelpfully. He crossed his legs as he sat back down on the couch, a large grin plastered on his face. “I mean, have you seen the way he tweets? I don’t think people realize it’s not a joke.”

“Right here, you two,” Lio muttered as he elbowed Gueira in the ribs. He turned to Galo and leaned his head on his hand. “To actually answer your question, maybe they realize that my cause is worthy of their attention? After so many years of fearing for the lives of my people, it’s nice to have some positive attention,” he mused with a soft smile. Galo’s heart soared at Lio’s (surprisingly) innocent response to his odd popularity (Galo really didn’t want to be the one to burst his bubble on how the Internet actually was).

Meis shifted his legs off of Lio’s thigh and laughed. “Sorry, boss,” he began, ignoring Galo’s desperate head shakes and arm motions to try and get him to stop. “Probably not the case.”

“Huh?”

“Hey!” Galo interrupted frantically, standing up so fast he knocked his chair over and nearly fell forwards. “Why don’t I treat you guys to some McDonald’s?” he yelled with a shaky grin, hoping the trio would just drop the conversation and refrain from upsetting Lio.

Meis smiled rather serenely at the suggestion and nodded while Gueira jumped up just as quickly as Galo had, whooping and hooting as he went up. Lio looked on in slight confusion, but an adorable sense of wonder filled his face (Galo was about ready to cry at the look).

“I’ve never been to McDonald’s before,” Lio admitted, cheeks slightly flushed as he looked away bashfully. “My parents thought it was below us and before I was old enough to just go on my own, I was on the run. I never even considered stopping at a McDonald’s for food. It was far too dangerous and I didn’t exactly have any money.”

Galo almost started tearing up at the tragic tale of Lio’s inability to go to a McDonald’s. Instead, he adopted a stereotypical superhero pose and grinned down at the Mad Burnish boss. “Well, never fear, Lio Fotia!” he shouted as he pointed at Lio. Lio crossed his eyes to stare at the finger in his face (Galo resisted the urge to stop and hug the man right then and there; Lio was far too cute for him to handle sometimes). “I shall treat you all to McDonald’s! I’ll pay for all of us!”

And with that, the group made their way to a McDonald’s. Galo rode on the back of Lio’s bike (Detroit, if he remembered correctly) and pretended to not be jealous of Mad Burnish’s sick flame bikes. He didn’t think he was very successful, judging by Gueira and Meis’ shared smirks and snickers. He was glad Lio couldn't see him (he didn't think he could handle the embarrassment).

When they arrived, Galo watched the three Mad Burnish members stare at the menu board with stars in their eyes. He hadn't realized that McDonald's was such a luxury to all of them (in all honesty he only ever stopped there for a quick and cheap meal in his college days). Then he remembered the three had been on the run for who knows how long (Lio's oh-so-sad tale immediately came to Galo’s mind). So here they are, finally getting to have a McDonald's meal while not considered criminals.

Despite what many may think, Galo wasn’t entirely an idiot. He knew people and could read them pretty easily. Galo could definitely hear the whispers around them and noticed how much space their group was given. With such a well-known former-arsonist-turned-city official standing next to him, staring at the McDonald’s menu board like it had been the one to set the Burnish free, they were bound to get a few looks. As well as whatever the hell Gueira was doing.

"Egg McMuffin, a hash brown, and a small coffee? Heh, not a bad choice. When it comes to breakfast, I'm more of an Egg White Delight kind of guy. The name’s Gueira, by the way," the Mad Burnish general said to the poor customer who had just given their order. The customer quickly snatched their receipt from the uncomfortable cashier and scurried off while giving Gueira bewildered looks. The next customer looked like she didn't even want to step up to order.

Galo would've felt better about this if maybe it was to only one customer and if Gueira wasn't already dating Meis, but the man was doing this to every single customer that ordered. He just leaned against the counter and commented on every order, all while not forgetting to remind everyone of his name. He didn't even work here. Galo wasn't sure if he should be horrified or impressed by Gueira's audacity.

The other two Mad Burnish members were also completely useless here, making Galo feel a lot more uncomfortable. Galo's first choice would be to ask Meis to get him to stop (Meis was typically successful), but Meis was having too much fun recording the bastard instead of stopping him. Galo lamented that the big guns were also way too preoccupied to care, as Lio was trying to decide what to order (no doubt trying to find the cheapest meal that would still be filling while forgetting that Galo was always down to treat Lio to food, the idiot).

"Oh, a happy meal with the nuggets? That's pretty solid, if you ask me. I'm Gueira, if you hadn't heard," Gueira said to a young child with a nod. Galo already wanted to leave and they didn't even get to order yet. He felt even worse as Gueira exchanged a fist bump with the child while her mom looked on in horror. The woman obviously knew he was a top-ranking member of Mad Burnish (the three of them were not afraid to show themselves as such) and was terrified to even think about asking him to stop talking to her daughter. Galo looked over at the other two Mad Burnish to try and get help again but the two were still blatantly ignoring him.

"I think I know what I want," Lio announced quietly. Galo immediately perked up as the Mad Burnish boss turned his attention from the menu board to his two generals, probably to ask about what the two were planning on getting. Lio glanced between the two and Galo felt his hopes for humanity rise as Lio opened his mouth to speak. "Hey, Meis," he began softly, side-eyeing his general. "Do you think you can send that video to me?"

And with that, all of Galo's hopes, dreams, and aspirations in life were crushed under Lio's (sexy, 1.5-inch, leather) heel. He cursed the heavens for Lio's sudden ability to gain a sense of humor instead of reading the obvious discomfort in the room. Galo was powerless to stop this absolute train wreck of a trip to McDonald's and he wished he never thought about taking the Mad Burnish leaders anywhere. He decided right then and there that they would only ever get take-out together if they insisted on eating his food.

Galo was truly sick of these three sometimes.


	2. Poggers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lio learns about poggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to do glomping next but i had a better idea and more planned for poggers so

Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
lio is out on a job so gueira made me a romantic candlelit dinner of kraft mac n cheese with a nice parsley garnish ❤  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
sorry for being broke babe 😔🤙  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
😘😘😘

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
We are out of mac & cheese  
|  
robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
bro just buy some more??? lol  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
I'm broke

Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
WHY ARE PPL SURPRISED THAT LIO HAS NO MONEY HE BREAKS INTO MY HOUSE TO EAT MY CHIPS ALL THE TIME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
"u have a job u can let me have some chips" BUDDY???? U??? ALSO HAVE A JOB????? UR A CITY OFFICIAL I’M JUST A POOR FIREFIGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
ALDO U STEAL ALL MY CHIPS NOT JUST SOME BC U ALWAYS BRING MEIS AND GUEIRA W U 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
wait nvm i forgot bro donates basically all of his paycheck to the other burnish please help me make him less selfless and worry about himself for once  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
bro we been tryin 😔🤙

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
I appreciate everyone wishing to donate to me so that I may be able to eat nicer foods, however we cannot ignore the less fortunate Burnish who go even more hungry than I do. Please take your donations to the Burnish Foundation. A leader should not eat and live in luxury when most of his people cannot even eat  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
LIO WDYM LIVING IN LUXURY?????? U EAT CUP NOODLES AND MAC N CHEESE EVERY DAY IF YOU EVEN DECIDE TO EAT 😤😤😤😭

“Yo,” Aina abruptly interrupted the peaceful silence of the station and also Galo’s internal screaming. She pushed her sunglass on top of her head and turned to Galo. “Is your boyfriend alright?”

“What boyfriend?” Galo asked back. He honestly had no idea what she was talking about. He didn’t think he had a boyfriend but hey, he could be wrong about that. Somehow. Which was concerning. He should take them on a date sometime to make up for forgetting.

Aina rolled her eyes and sat up to stare Galo down. “You know…Lio? Your boyfriend?”

Galo stopped and stared back before erupting into laughter. He got up to pat Aina’s shoulder and shook his head condescendingly. “Lio’s not my boyfriend!” he stated with a grin. His grin quickly dropped when he realized what he was proudly declaring. “At least not, yet. I hope.” He startled when he remembered Aina’s first question, ignoring Aina’s smirk. “Wait what do you mean by “is he okay”? Did something happen?”

Aina shrugged. “Okay but before that, we both know Lio is hot and that you’ve got a huge crush on him,” she stated with a smirk. Galo yelled in disagreement and she shoved a finger in his chest to stop him. “Galo, I know what I see. You’re totally head over heels for him.”

“Ha! Simp,” Lucia added, oh-so-helpfully. Galo forgot she was even at the station. Which was dumb because she was always at the station.

Galo fumbled over his words. “Well! What about you and Thyma?” he yelled, pointing a finger back at Aina. “You’re always visiting her in the hospital!”

“Okay, idiot,” she said harshly, crossing her arms with pink cheeks. “One: everyone has been visiting her in the hospital. She’s doing better and it’s not weird for me to go. Two: I feel bad for shooting her with ice during her Burnish awakening. And three: I’m asking about Lio because of what you’ve been posting. Also, what Meis just posted.”

Galo stopped and blinked at Aina, the fight completely taken out of him. “Huh?” he questioned dumbly.

Aina held up her phone and wiggled it. “Meis. He just tweeted something.”

Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
so gueira saw this tiktok where these guys are playing darts and one uses a crossbow and bet lio that he couldn't get a bullseye like that with his flame bow  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
long story short: they almost caught our apartment on fire and now we need to fix our wall  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
they WHAT

the real florida man @floridaman  
why is everyone yelling at me??? lio was the one who shot the arrow??????

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
It’s a good thing I know how to work with fire  
|  
Aina Ardebit @ladyaina  
are u gonna elaborate  
|  
Lio Fotia @Burnish Boss  
no

Galo panicked as he clocked out as fast as he could. Those three morons were going to get themselves killed at the rate their shenanigans were going (after everything they’ve been through, _this_ was gonna be the way they died??). He couldn’t believe how dumb they were. Gueira? He kind of expected it at this point. Meis? Yeah, he usually egged Gueira on and joined in way too much for Galo’s tastes.

But Lio?

Absolutely not. This was a whole ass city official and the leader to thousands of Burnish he was talking about. Who would be stupid enough to _put a hole through their wall using a flaming arrow?_

The three top members of Mad Burnish apparently.

The ones everyone was supposed to look up to _apparently_.

“Oi, Galo!” a voice shouted from behind him. Galo swung his leg over his motorcycle and looked back to see Aina waving at him through the door to the station.

“Huh? What’s up?” he called back.

Aina smiled a rather unsettling smile. “Give them a good smack to the back of the head for me. You’re clocking out early because of this and they need to pay.”

Galo nodded solemnly. It was what those idiots deserved, after all. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Call me if you need anything!” he shouted right before he took off.

He drove as fast as he could while still obeying the speed limit (he was the #1 firefighter in the world, after all! He’s a role model and needed to set a good example about obeying the law for the kids! He was going to ignore that he wasn’t very good at obeying the speed limit when he became emotional, that’s not important). Unfortunately for him, he got off of work around the same time most people got off of work.

Galo tapped his finger on the handle of his bike impatiently as traffic slowed to a stop. Of course, he’d get into rush hour traffic right as he made it close to their apartment. Galo needed to be there _right now_. Who knows what other trouble they’d get into while he was running late?

Suddenly the light turned green and Galo nearly floored it (not literally, he was on a motorcycle, you see). He pulled into the parking lot of their apartment and nearly leapt off his bike to get to them faster. He ran up the steps to get to their floor (why did they live on the fifth floor??) and slammed the door open, holding his ice pistol up. He was ready to tackle any fire that might still be happening in their apartment. “Are you guys okay?” he yelled as he met three pairs of equally confused eyes (kind of, Meis had hair covering the one eye).

“Uh, yeah,” Gueira stated, rather dumbfounded at Galo’s sudden appearance. The Mad Burnish general looked back to his associates and grimaced.

“Oh,” Galo responded incredibly intelligently. He watched as the three looked between Galo and the wall that they were gathered next to. Galo followed their gaze and saw the shattered remains of a dart board surrounding a rather large hole in the wall. “So, uh…what happened?”

The three Mad Burnish shared yet another look before Lio shrugged. “Nothing much.”

Galo looked between the broken wall and the Mad Burnish a few times, trying to wrap his head around whatever the hell he was seeing. “So,” he began in a deadpan voice, “there’s a shattered dart board and a burned hole in your wall.”

“Yeah.”

“And you say “nothing much” happened?”

“That’s right.”

Galo sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “Why do I even bother?” he asked himself as he turned around to leave. It’s been a long day at the station and he felt drained just barely even dealing with these three. He loved them but they sure were a handful.

He heard a camera shutter behind him and he looked back. Galo almost threw his ice pistol at the general when he saw Gueira taking a photo of the damage. “What are you doing?” he asked, even less amused then he was previously (which was impossible because he was already as unamused as he could ever be).

“Oh, I’m taking a picture for Twitter,” Gueira responded as he typed on his phone. “Aaaand done! Check it out, Meis.” The general snickered as he turned his phone to Meis.

Meis snorted and lightly smacked Gueira on the arm. “You aren’t funny, babe. We have a damn hole in our wall.”

“Just like that one show!” Gueira responded with a grin.

Galo took out his phone to see what Gueira could’ve possibly thought was appropriate. When he opened Twitter, he had to force himself not to bark out a laugh at the tweet. He would not laugh. It was not amusing. There was a hole in the wall. It was _not_ funny.

“Gueira.” Lio stated in his no-nonsense voice, squinting at something on his phone. The three other occupants looked over at Lio, Gueira squirming where he stood. Damn, probably not a good idea to make a joke out of this situation, even if Lio seemed unbothered before. Lio turned his phone to the three, showing off Gueira’s latest tweet. “What the hell does “poggers” mean?”

After a beat of complete silence, the three collectively lost their shit. Galo immediately fell onto his hands and knees while Meis covered his mouth, face turning red. Gueira doubled over in laughter, trying to grab onto the wall to hold himself up with little success. “Oh, holy shit! This is a poggers moment,” Gueira yelled between heavy breaths.

Lio looked between the three, completely bewildered. “I don’t understand what’s so funny. What does it mean?”

Meis turned to a random area of the room, as if he were facing a camera, with a disappointed look. He shook his head sadly. “He doesn’t know, chat.”

Lio blinked and looked around. “What?” he asked, walking over to Meis. He looked at Meis’ phone, squinting until he realized it was turned off. “Who are you talking to?”

Galo breathed in deeply as he stood back up. He tried to school his face into one of deep sadness (he felt like he was failing entirely, he could feel his lips quirk up into a grin). “Can I get an F in the chat?” he asked the room.

“F,” Gueira said, shaking his head and pretending to wipe away a stray tear (possibly a real one from the laughter?).

“F,” Meis also responded, looking to the floor with a hand over his heart.

“F,” Galo concluded with a solemn nod.

Lio looked around in complete shock. “What chat?” he asked and turned to Galo. His lips turned down into an intense scowl. “What the _fuck_ does F mean?”

Instead of actually responding, the three burst into laughter at Lio’s expense. “Sorry, boss,” Gueira said, wrapping an arm around Lio’s shoulder. Lio shrugged Gueira off roughly and crossed his arms (Galo almost cooed at Lio’s pout). “You just really gotta catch onto the lingo faster. It’s been a few months already, people may think you’re actually serious about not knowing things.”

“But I don’t _actually_ understand,” Lio huffed.

Meis leaned against the back of their couch and smirked. “It’s alright, boss. We know you’ve been completely out of touch for the last 30 years.”

Galo choked on air at Meis’ declaration, ignoring Gueira’s excited whisper of “out of touch Thursday”. “30 years?!” he yelled, turning to Lio frantically. He grabbed Lio by the shoulders aggressively and shook him. “Lio, please tell me you’re not some 50-year-old twink!”

“What?” Lio gasped out. He pushed Galo back and glared. “First of all, don’t grab me like that. I almost set you on fire. Second of all, I’m not 50. I’m in my early twenties, I think—"

Gueira snorted. “You think?”

Lio turned and glared at the general. “I’ve been on the run from Freeze Force for so long. Do you think I gave a single fuck about my birthday?”

“Sooo,” Galo started, looking around before meeting Lio’s gaze (God, it was illegal for someone to have eyes that pretty). “When exactly _is_ your birthday?”

Lio took a moment to think. Galo ignored Gueira whisper “oh my God, he doesn’t know” to give Lio an encouraging smile. “I’m pretty sure I was born on April 20, 20XX.” Gueira, Meis, and Galo shared identical looks of shock and absolute glee (Galo noticed Lio wasn’t very amused). “What is it this time?” Lio stated in a deadpan voice.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe the Mad Burnish boss was born on 4/20,” Galo whispered, a grin spreading on his face. He ran over and gripped Gueira’s arms. “He was born on 4/20, Gueira.”

Gueira grabbed Galo’s arms in return and gave him a wicked smile, shaking their linked arms. “What are the fuckin’ odds, man?” he asked with a bark of laughter. Gueira turned to Meis. “Babe, we need the people to know. There’s no way this is a joke.”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Lio questioned with a sigh. He crossed his arms and shifted his weight to one foot (Galo thought he looked about ready to stomp his foot like a little kid, it was adorable). “I don’t understand. What’s so funny about my _birthday_?”

Meis grabbed Lio’s shoulders gently. “Boss, I need you to answer a very important question,” he stated rather grimly. Galo attempted to hold in his snickers while Gueira slapped the couch a few times. Lio nodded slowly, posture tense and confusion written all over his face. “Boss. Do you blaze it?”

Lio looked between Meis and Galo (probably attempting to get some semblance of an idea as to what was happening). “Yes?” he started hesitantly. “I’m the leader of Mad Burnish. Of course, I “blaze it”.”

Galo could barely hear his thoughts over the shouts of glee coming from the two Mad Burnish generals. And also over his own laughter. “Boss!! Boss, please you need to post that on Twitter. I’m begging you,” Gueira said between near sobs as he held onto Lio’s arm to stay standing. Holy shit, he was absolutely losing his mind (Galo was having a good time, too, sure, but he was starting to worry about Gueira’s oxygen intake at this point).

Lio gently pulled his arm out of Gueira’s grip and led him to the couch (good plan in case he passed out from lack of oxygen). “Okay, I’ll post it. Just sit your ass down and try to actually breathe,” Lio chided, shoving Gueira down by his shoulders.

Gueira nodded enthusiastically, holding his phone in a death grip. He refreshed Twitter every few seconds while shaking his leg rather excessively. Lio very slowly typed out a Lio Fotia Tweet™, using only one finger and large, exaggerated taps (Galo wanted to shake him for being such an ass at this very moment but remembered they kind of deserved it for teasing him so much).

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
I’ve realized that I haven’t said when my birthday is and my generals insisted I share. Please don’t give me any presents  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
My birthday is April 20 and I love to blaze it. Poggers!  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSFSASJKFLJDLJSALF  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
maybe boss doesn’t deserve a twitter

##### TRENDING

**Poggers**  
10.1k tweets  
Lio Fotia and the real florida man are tweeting about this  
**Lio Fotia**  
9.4k tweets  
Aina Ardebit is tweeting about this  
**Blaze it**  
3.8k tweets  
Lio Fotia and robot gremlin are tweeting about this

Aina Ardebit @ladyaina  
i send galo over to check on the boys and lio learned poggers instead????? why don’t i just do things myself?

Galo stopped laughing with the rest of Mad Burnish (except Lio, he was just pouting) when he read Aina’s tweet. He turned to look back at the wall behind him. A large hole was still present along with the shattered remains of a dart board. “Uh, guys?” Galo interrupted.

“What is it, Galo?” Lio asked, turning his attention from his unruly generals to the firefighter.

“What’re you gonna do about the hole?”

Lio gave him a confused look. “What hole?” he seemed to question with genuine curiosity. Galo almost cried. How was this the leader of Mad Burnish?

“My h—” Gueira began to say before Meis interrupted him with a smack to the back of the head. Galo tried to ignore that comment because he didn’t even know where to begin with that. Lio also seemed to ignore it with practiced perfection. He didn’t even blink at Gueira’s near comment. Amazing.

“The hole in the wall,” Galo explained. “The one you guys were staring at when I got here. The one Meis and Gueira _posted about on Twitter_.”

“Oh,” Lio said dumbly. He stepped around the couch to reach the hole and took a moment to evaluate it. He shrugged and looked back at his two generals. “I guess we can call someone to fix it, if it bothers you that much. I don’t know how to fix a wall.”

Galo sighed. “Don’t you think that maybe there _shouldn’t_ be a hole in your wall?”

“Never seemed important on the run,” Lio explained, crossing his arms and shifting his weight to one foot. “I don’t see why it would be important now.”

“You’re renting this apartment.”

“Yes, and?”

Galo blinked once. Twice. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it just as quickly. He blinked again. “Lio, I don’t even know how to respond to that,” he said as he looked over at Gueira and Meis.

“Don’t see the huge deal if we just get it fixed quickly,” Gueira said with a shrug. “Not like our landlord will know we put a hole in the wall.”

“You posted it on Twitter,” Galo responded in disbelief.

“So we did,” Meis agreed with a nod. There was a glint in his eye that told Galo he knew exactly what was wrong but chose to ignore it for the sake of chaos. The absolute pyromaniac _bastard_.

Galo looked between the three top brass of Mad Burnish. He groaned as he rubbed his forehead and turned to the door. “I’m getting Aina. She’ll take care of this.” And with that Galo left the three idiots behind to fetch his co-worker. Who would easily take care of this. And also definitely scare the three into calming down. Maybe. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Lio actually probably learns about glomping. Possibly rawr too idk I have no plan
> 
> sorry again i have a terrible sense of humor  
> gonna still refrain from tagging aina bc she's not prominent enough and i'd feel BAD  
> also yes thyma is alive it's my fic and i get to choose who's alive  
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/marth_emblem) or ask/send me stuff on [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/marth_emblem)


	3. Rawr XD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lio learns about glomping XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry
> 
> or am I???

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
What does "wdym" stand for?  
|  
robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
what do you mean  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Like a definition? What do the letters stand for?  
|  
robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
no like wdym stands for "what do you mean" lmao  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
OH

Galo nearly moaned as he took a large bite of the lasagna that Varys had prepared. It was the second Saturday of the month, which meant that it was time for Burning Rescue 3’s monthly get-together. While they did spend most of their time together due to their jobs, this was their one day to get together, eat some heavenly food prepared by Varys (and sometimes Ignis or Aina), and just relax. Which was what Galo was doing.

He had asked Lio, Meis, and Gueira to join them this month but Lio had refused and said that it was a Burning Rescue 3 activity and he didn’t want them to impose. Galo thought Meis and Gueira were going to cry when they heard Lio refuse for all three of them. The captain even said it was okay for them to join; Heris occasionally popped in and sometimes a few of Varys’ basketball buddies would show up, so why shouldn’t Mad Burnish be allowed?

Well, whatever. Galo decided the three were missing out majorly on the chance for Varys’ home-cooked meal instead of the occasional pastries he brought to the station from his parents’ bakery. If Lio wanted to be boring in his own apartment, who was Galo to stop him?

“Varys,” Galo whined, waving his fork around, “why can’t you always cook for us?”

Varys laughed and smacked Galo on the back, forcing Galo to nearly land face-first into his heavenly plate of lasagna. “No time, Galo. Plus it’s dangerous to leave cooking food unattended. You know this! We gotta be ready to go at any time in case of a fire. You already get on my ass about it enough.”

Galo pouted and shoved at Varys’ arm around his shoulder. “That’s because you’re always shooting hoops and not ready to go! At least _I_ stay ready in the rescue mobile most of the time,” he bragged, pointing a thumb to his puffed-out chest with a grin.

“You mean you’re always sleepin’ in the rescue mobile,” Varys countered with a laugh as he ruffled Galo’s hair.

"Varys!" Galo pushed at Varys' hand and glared. He quickly began to work at getting his hair back to his normal spikes. "You know how long it takes me to do my hair! Don't mess it up!!"

Aina snorted as she spooned some veggies onto her plate. “Yeah, and how many times have you been late because your hair wasn’t up to your burning soul’s standards?” She sat next to Galo and flicked his forehead. “I’m surprised your hair hasn’t caught on fire with the amount of product you put in it.”

“Hey!” Galo shouted. He crossed his arms with a pout. “You guys just don’t understand! This hairstyle is the coolest one around and puts all fire victims at ease. They see it and know the number one firefighter in the world is there to save them from the inferno!!”

“Yeah, more like laugh at how ridiculous your hair is,” Lucia said with a smirk, ignoring Galo’s indignant shout. She shoved a forkful of lasagna into her mouth and tapped her chin. “Though I guess it makes it easier to recognize you. That way people know who their savior actually is rather than just some random face.”

Varys took his seat next to Lucia and grinned. “Yeah, and after you and that skinny blonde boy saved the world, _everyone_ knows who you are.”

“His name is Lio,” Galo mumbled. Lio’s been around for months, why did they still act like they didn’t know his name?

“Hm? What was that Galo?” Remi joined in the teasing, leaning over the table with a smarmy grin. “Didn’t quite hear you from over here.”

“His name is Lio,” Galo repeated louder, raising his shoulders to try and hide his face.

Lucia laughed loudly, grating on Galo’s ears in this particular moment. “You mean your _boyfriend_?”

Galo stood up and smacked the table. His face felt like it was on fire and he bet that he was as red as a fire engine. “He’s not my boyfriend!” he yelled. He took a moment to breathe before adding a quick “yet” very quietly.

Lucia started hollering while Remi and Varys burst out into laughter. Even the captain smiled at their antics. Aina, meanwhile, was glued to her phone. Galo noticed this and sat down. “What’s up, Aina?”

Aina looked up, startled. “Hm?”

“You were pretty deep in thought there,” Ignis said. “Find anything interesting?”

“Oh!” She held up her phone, showing her Twitter feed. She sighed and rested her head on her hand. “I think the Mad Burnish idiots are up to something again.”

Galo blinked as the words settled in and immediately whipped out his phone, terrified as to what was going on while he wasn’t supervising.

It’s not like he hated hanging with the Mad Burnish trio. He loved them all alot! They just sometimes became...a bit much. A bit much, as in causing problems at McDonald’s because Guiera has the need to comment on every customer’s order, or like how Meis eggs everyone on regardless of consequence (probably trying to cause chaos but not take responsibility. Galo sees right through you, Meis), or maybe how Lio just doesn’t understand “normal” life.

Galo loves Lio (like _really_ loves Lio), but holy shit he was a disaster as a human being. Need someone to lead a resistance group? Lio’s your man! Any problems regarding the Burnish population? Lio’s got it covered. Dealing with anti-Burnish propaganda and morons? Lio is already one step ahead of you. But if you just need someone to do something like cook or drive you somewhere or even just _bathe_ , Lio Fotia was a complete disaster (how the hell does just burning the dirt off even _work_ , and why did it work so well??)

So here he was, scrolling through his Twitter feed to find that Meis was going live in a few moments to show the world “something beautiful”. Galo didn’t know what that something was and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out, but for the safety of Mad Burnish, he would choose to watch this soon-to-be-trainwreck of a live broadcast. He continued scrolling until he came across another tweet by Meis, this time asking a genuine question.

Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
do you guys think lio knows about glomping?  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
What is that?  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
hehe... *glomps you* OwO  
:3  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
what the fuck?

Galo read through the thread a few times before making eye-contact with Aina. "I'm gonna hate this, aren't I?" he asked with a frown. Glomping was...something else and Gueira and Meis trying to teach _Lio_ about it was...also something else. Galo continuously refreshed his feed until Meis' live broadcast came up. He tapped it and leaned back, not entirely sure if he was ready to watch this circus act.

__

The camera lifted quickly to show Lio standing a few feet away from Gueira, his back turned. Lio glanced in the camera’s direction with a raised eyebrow. “Any reason you’re recording this?”

“Galo’s makin’ a scrapbook. Screenshots from this would be good for it,” came Meis’ southern drawl from behind the camera. A hand waved in and out of the camera briefly with the comment. Lio didn’t seem too impressed with the answer as he rolled his eyes (Galo agreed with Lio; he wasn’t making any scrapbook as far as he knew).

Gueira gave the camera a devilish grin as he crouched (Galo suddenly became nervous). “Alright, boss. Are ya ready?” he asked, lifting his arms.

Lio frowned. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be ready for,” he muttered as he crouched slightly, widening his stance. Gueira’s grin grew as he took off full speed towards Lio. The pounding footsteps caused Lio to turn around quickly. He shouted a quick “what?!” before Gueira barreled straight into him.

“I wuv you, boss!” Gueira said in a high-pitched voice (along with an absurd amount of “uwu”s) as he latched his lanky arms around Lio’s stomach. The camera shook as Meis snickered.

“What the fuck? What the _fuck_?!” Lio yelled as the two went down like a ton of bricks. It took half a second before their positions were swapped and Lio had Gueira pinned to the floor.

“I wuv you soooo much, boss!” Gueira winked at Lio and stuck his tongue out.

Lio stared down at Gueira with wide eyes before squinting. “What the hell was that?”

Gueira immediately began to pout and sniffled loudly. “Boooooss,” he whined, trying really hard to fake cry (Galo didn’t think it was very convincing). “You were supposed to say “I wuv you, too, my woyal and sexy genewal Gueiwa uwu”.” He winked again with a grin.

Lio stared at Gueira for a solid 12 seconds (Galo counted) before standing up. “I’m leaving.”

Gueira followed Lio up quickly, with all the grace of a new-born fawn. Gueira grabbed Lio by the shoulders roughly and turned him around. “Wait, wait, wait! You can’t leave yet!” Gueira yelled, shaking Lio. “You, uh…”

“I what?” Lio demanded with a glare, gently removing Gueira’s hands from his shoulders.

“You forgot about rawr!” Gueira claimed with a lopsided grin. Meis snorted from behind the camera.

Lio stared blankly at Gueira once again. ““Rawr”?” he asked, completely deadpan.

Gueira immediately perked up, grabbing Lio by the shoulders again and shaking him. “Yeah, rawr!!” he yelled with a grin. He turned to face the camera and winked for a third time (Galo was scared about the amount of winks in the past 2 minutes).

“Dare I ask what that means.”

Gueira was nearly bouncing in place with excitement (or was he actually bouncing?? Galo couldn’t tell and Meis wouldn’t move closer). “I think it’s worth a shot askin’,” Meis said. “Look at him, he’s like an excited puppy. Let him have this.”

Lio glanced behind the camera for a moment before sighing, shifting his weight to one foot. “Fine,” he said, somehow managing to stare down at Gueira despite being nearly a foot shorter. “Tell me what “rawr” means.”

Gueira’s grin grew impossibly wide. He brought his hands together next to his cheek and batted his eyes at Lio. Lio immediately looked taken aback. “Rawr means “I love you” in dinosaur. Like Meis!! Rawr!”

Meis snickered and the camera shook. “Thanks, Gueira. Rawr.”

Lio, on the other hand, continued staring at Gueira. Gueira’s grin faltered and he tried again with more enthusiasm. “Boss!! Rawr!”

Lio didn’t react to Gueira’s shenanigans at all (Galo felt like he was watching a master performing his craft). He shifted and brought his hand up to look at his nails. It did not escape Galo that Lio was still wearing his gloves. “Gueira. You have five seconds.”

“Five seconds to say rawr again?” Gueira asked, a hopeful look on his face. That hopeful look was completely crushed within the next second as Lio’s hand burst into flames.

“Five seconds to run.”

Gueira laughed a humorless laugh. “Boss, you aren’t _really_ serious, right? It’s just--”

“ _One_.”

And off went Gueira, out of frame. A door slammed loudly and Lio smiled at the camera. The flame in his hand went out in a trail of sparks. “He’ll be fine.”

The camera cut abruptly and Galo was left staring at his Twitter feed once again. He blinked and looked around at his fellow Burning Rescue members. “Should I be worried?” he genuinely asked. There was a chance Gueira would be not alive in the next day and that was concerning.

Remi waved a hand. “He’s fine. Check Twitter again.”

Galo begrudgingly unlocked his phone to check on the aftermath of this trainwreck.

the real florida man @floridaman  
straight up terrified to leave my room now i think the boss is gonna kill me hghggfg  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
you rawr'd at him you kinda deserve it, babe  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
i didnt even get to XD 😔😔😔

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
to my generals: Rawr! XD *glomps you*  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
REAL SHIT REAL SHIT REAL SHIT REAL SHIT???????????????  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
gueira you’ve created a monster  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
I like to think that I am exploring new ways of speaking on the internet. I’m learning a lot oowoo  
|  
Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
boss did you just sound out uwu???  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
òwó

##### TRENDING

**Rawr**  
15.7k tweets  
Lio Fotia and the real florida man are tweeting about this  
**Glomp**  
6.9k tweets  
Lio Fotia is tweeting about this  
**Lio Fotia**  
10.2k tweets

Aina patted Galo on the shoulder with a pitying look. “I think they’ll be fine. They’ve survived for this long together, right?”

Galo stared blankly at Lio’s rawr tweet, completely unable to think a single coherent thought or even acknowledge Aina’s comment. The tweet was abhorrent. Completely unnecessary and disgusting, just like anything Lio tries to cook. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of it. It was a beautiful disaster and Galo wasn’t quite sure if he was here for it.

They were a circus and Lio was their ringmaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Lio learns about kinning
> 
> idk do I tag burning rescue members yet?? they aren't the focus so I'd feel BAD  
> Anyways, you can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/marth_emblem) or ask/send me stuff on [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/marth_emblem)


	4. Kinnies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lio's guide on how (not) to kin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every chapter i write i lose more of my sanity
> 
> small warning for sexual jokes, nothing explicit

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
As per the information my generals have told me regarding "kinning", I have come to the conclusion that if you "kin" me, you are committing identity theft. Please stop  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
lio i will literally pay you to stop tweeting  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
no❤️

Galo stared at his phone, mouth open. What the hell did he miss? He saw these three really late yesterday for a call about a Burnish fire (it wasn’t actually a Burnish fire) and Lio was none the wiser to what kinning was.

There’s no way Lio would have encountered kinning and gotten an explanation from his generals since then. The complexities of kinning could absolutely _not_ be explained that quickly. Galo wasn't here for it.

The call was close to midnight but they hadn't been able to leave until nearly three in the morning. Galo knew that Gueira didn't wake up until at least noon and Lio would be too preoccupied with his work to check Twitter until then (after getting 8 hours of sleep, of course). Which left less than two hours for Lio to somehow encounter kinning, the obligatory 10 minutes of Gueira and Meis going wild over Lio saying "kinning", and a full, in-depth explanation of kinning that Lio would understand.

Impossible. There was absolutely no way. This was a dream and Galo had yet to wake up. He pinched his arm and hissed at the pain, unfortunately realizing that no, this was not a dream. This was, unfortunately, real life. Unfortunately.

Galo's eyes roamed over to his alarm clock, confirming that it was only 1 pm. He still had time to sleep before his next night shift (he had only gotten 5 hours of sleep, after all!). He could let this play out without his input.

Galo was upset and tired while Lio was about to fight some kinnies on Twitter dot com. What could _possibly_ go wrong?

* * *

_'How could everything go so wrong?'_ Meis asked himself as he watched the beautifully cursed events unfolding before him on that fine Thursday.

It started off as a normal day in the Mad Burnish apartment. Lio was already awake and dressed, reading through some paperwork regarding the Burnish integration. Meis was making some coffee and toast while half-asleep, wondering why he was awake at 11 am. Meanwhile, Gueira was still in bed snoring like a jackass.

Meis sat across from Lio with a yawn, holding his mug of coffee in both hands. Lio briefly glanced up to meet Meis’ eye before going back to his paperwork. “Good morning,” Lio said as his eyes scanned his tablet. “You’re up early.”

“Gueira’s snoring again,” Meis grumbled, pulling the mug of coffee closer to his mouth. “Can’t get a wink of sleep when it starts.”

Lio smirked and huffed out a laugh. “You could always take my room, you know. I get up early enough that you could get a few extra hours of sleep.”

Meis glared at the other man. “Don’t know how in the hell you wake up so early when you go to bed so late.”

"I can work off of 4 hours of sleep just fine," Lio said nonchalantly, waving his hand as if to dismiss the topic. Which was fine. Meis was too tired to argue, and this wasn't a new argument by any means. Didn't mean Meis wasn't upset by the boss' shitty sleep schedule (future Galo unfortunately miscalculated how shitty Lio's sleep schedule truly was).

To show his disapproval, Meis sipped his coffee loudly, successfully gaining an irritated look from Lio. Meis hid his smirk behind the mug. "So, what's on today's agenda?"

Lio's eye twitched as he scrolled on his tablet. "Another meeting with the council about the Burnish bikes," he began with a sigh. "After Gueira nearly got arrested the other day for not having a license plate, I thought I'd double down on getting the use of our bikes without those awful license plates to actually be legal. I don't know why they're making this an issue _now_ when we have much more important things to worry about, but whatever."

"And how's that going?"

"Not well," Lio continued, leaning back in his chair. He finally looked up at Meis. "They claim there's no way to identify specific bikes without a plate. The fire used for each bike _should_ be enough to know who it belongs to but I guess non-Burnish can't sense that."

Meis chewed slowly on his toast. Government issued license plates weren't exactly ideal when the bikes only existed when needed. "They have the technology to sense Burnish. Why can't they do something more with that?"

Lio stared silently at Meis for a moment, chewing on his lip. "I'll talk with Ardebit and see if that's something we can pursue. Not sure it's an ideal situation, but it's _something_ , at least."

"Well, we could also--"

"Mooooornin'," came a sudden voice to Meis' right. Gueira walked into the kitchen slowly, yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eye. "Why are you guys so damn loud already?"

Lio and Meis shared a look before glancing back at the sleepy general. "We weren't being loud," Meis said. "We were talking about what to do with the license plate situation."

Gueira waved his hand and he opened the freezer and nabbed a frozen waffle. "Ehh, can't we talk about something more interesting?" he asked as he took a bite out of the frozen waffle. Meis curled his lip at the action.

"Like your near arrest?" Lio shot back without hesitation.

Meis snorted at Gueira’s cry of disbelief and angry response. Instead of paying attention to the bickering happening in front of him, Meis opened Twitter on his phone. He sent a quick tweet and waited to hear Gueira's phone _ping!_ at the new mention. This would hopefully break it up far more easily than anything he could actually speak to them.

Yeehaw Man Meis @burnincowboy  
@floridaman gm king 💞  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
mornin babe 👁️👄👁️ *slaps ur ass hard*  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
I'm setting your bed on fire

...Or it would just turn Lio’s ire on both of them instead of just Gueira.

Lio wrinkled his nose at the generals’ Twitter interaction. “Why are you two like this?”

“It’s just normal Twitter stuff, boss!” Gueira exclaimed with a grin. He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms. “Everyone talks like this. You should take notes or somethin’ so you stop sounding like an old man online.”

Meis waved his hand. “Give it some time, Gueira. He’ll be like this with Galo soon enough.”

“Ah, but that’s if the fireboy stops being a coward.”

Lio narrowed his eyes and glanced between the two. “What are you talking about? Why would I slap Galo’s ass?”

Gueira and Meis turned towards each other, pretending to completely tune Lio out. “So, Meis…” Gueira began with a devious grin.

“Gueira,” Meis responded with his own smirk as he set his phone down on the table slowly. Boss done fucked up, is what he did.

“The boss seems pretty confident he’ll be the one slapping asses around here.”

“Wait, that’s not what I--” Lio began.

Meis ignored him, even going as far as to cut him off. “Well, Gueira, with all that leather and him being in charge, it would make sense that the boss is the top between the two.”

“I’m the _what_?!” Lio yelled, smacking both his hands on the table and standing up. He glared at both of them.

“But he’s so _little_ , Meis!” Gueira cried, falling against the counter dramatically. "How could one as little as him be a top?"

"Have you seen the way he fights?" Meis asked with a thoughtful tap to his chin. "If he actually went all out on fireboy, he could easily take him in more ways than one."

Gueira stepped over to Lio and gestured frantically between the top of Lio's head and the bottom of Gueira's chin. "But he barely reaches my chin! I bet he doesn't even reach your shoulders!"

"Sometimes immense power comes in tiny packages. Who are we--"

"Okay! That is enough!" Lio yelled, slamming his fist on the table. If looks could kill, Gueira and Meis would be a sad pile of ashes at this very moment.

They turned to Lio with sheepish grins. "Sorry, boss," they said in unison monotones.

"I'm not sure why you thought any of what you said was okay. Galo and I are just friends. Nothing more. _And I am not that short_!"

Realizing Lio wasn't about to straight up murder them in cold blood, Gueira snickered and rested his elbow on Lio's head with a wide grin. "Sure, boss. Whatever floats your boat."

"Whatever boats your float," Meis responded automatically with his own smile.

"Whatever," Lio mumbled, shoving Gueira's arm off his head. He crossed his arms with a huff and the three fell into a comfortable, non-chaotic, blissful silence.

...Until boss had decided to ruin the peace.

"Oh, Gueira, Meis. I actually do have a question about something I found last night," Lio said.

Meis exchanged a hesitant look with Gueira before turning back to Lio. "What's up, boss?" Gueira asked, crossing his arms and moving to lean against the counter once more. Meis instead chose to slide back into his chair and continue sipping at his coffee, expecting this conversation would be quick and painless.

"What's a "kinnie"?"

Oh, how wrong Meis could be sometimes. What a painful conversation this would turn out to be. Meis wished for that comfortable silence once more. Wished for that blissful ignorance he held in his hands not even three seconds prior.

Wished for the boss to shut the fuck up and forget everything about Twitter.

Meis immediately choked on his coffee and began coughing desperately to try and breathe normally again. He vaguely heard a loud thump from Gueira's direction and a shout from Lio's before he felt someone smacking his back harshly, helping him clear his airway.

Meis glared up at his savior. "Where the hell," he began, breathing deeply, "did you find out about _kinning_?"

Lio clicked his tongue and left Meis' side to help guide Gueira gently to another chair. "I saw it last night while on Twitter. I don't understand what it is, but people claimed that someone kinned me. Is that some weird slang that means I'm relatable?"

Gueira wheezed as he tried to inhale an actual breath. “Kin!” was his incredibly eloquent (and only) addition to the conversation. Meis was ever so thankful to Gueira for all of his help throughout their lives together, especially in this moment.

In all honesty, Meis thought this would top the charts on his list of _Most Helpful Gueira Additions in Conversation_. He really felt as if he was able to channel his inner doge because of Gueira’s comment. Really kin it, if you will. Such addition. Many helpful. _Wow_.

“Yes. “Kin”,” Lio repeated with a rather uncomfortable look on his face. “I know that kin usually means a relative, but I have no idea where any of my relatives are. Even if I did, no one else in my family is named Lio.”

That stopped Meis. “What do you mean?” he asked. Someone named Lio kinning the boss because their name was Lio? Or are they named Lio _because_ they kin the boss. Meis was thoroughly intrigued now.

Lio frowned and tapped his finger on his tablet. “Well, I was arrested in Detroit shortly after my Burnish awakening. It was a pretty big and public awakening too. I don’t really like to remember it,” Lio explained, looking down at his locked tablet. “But I’ll explain just for you two. I remember my parents trying to fight the authorities to get me back. They wanted to have everything handled in the UK since the laws there are a bit more lax and that’s where my family was visiting from. Anyways--”

“No, not that,” Meis interrupted. He met Gueira’s eye and pursed his lips.

“Uh, yeah. Like, sorry that happened to ya, boss,” Gueira picked up flawlessly. “But I think Meis meant the name?”

Lio blinked and stared at his two generals. “Oh,” he responded like the incredibly capable leader of Mad Burnish that he was. “Well, the person was named Lio, with the handle lio underscore fotia. They responded to one of my posts. Their friends were calling them "Lio kinnie" and forgot to untag me.”

Meis smacked his face and dragged it down slowly. Better to just rip the bandage off quickly. "Boss, kin means they think they _are_ you."

"What?"

"Kinning means you think you _are_ that person. It usually goes along with fictional characters," Gueira explained, tapping his foot. "But some people really think they're another real person."

"Weird, but not harmin' anyone, I guess," Meis added. "Not really our place to tell 'em to stop."

Lio blinked slowly, almost like a cat. "I see." He unlocked his tablet and opened Twitter. "I think I would like to make a comment on this."

The two generals watched him slowly type out his tweet. Agony. That's all they felt. There was no other way to feel. They had no idea what Lio would be typing but they knew it would be a mess.

A beautiful, glorious trainwreck of a post.

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
As per the information my generals have told me regarding "kinning", I have come to the conclusion that if you "kin" me, you are committing identity theft. Please stop

Meis could pinpoint the moment he felt his sanity slip away. This? This right here? Meis was done. He would observe and he was 99% sure Gueira was right there with him.

There were no words. There was nothing to say to this. How do you tell Lio Fotia that he completely misunderstood what they said before?

You don't. That's how.

They watched in horror as Lio completely brushed off Galo. But their savior came in the form of the one who started this mess. It was all coming together. Full circle, or some shit. Meis didn't really know the saying.

But things were starting to look up. He thinks.

Lio 🔥 @lio_fotia  
oh this might be about me?? sorry it’s mainly just a joke afhlsljf  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Identity theft is not a joke, Lio  
|  
Lio 🔥 @lio_fotia  
ASJSGDLHSJGSHFLHFK  
|  
Lio 🔥 @lio_fotia  
can we please talk about this in dms i’m going to die if this continues publicly

Meis and Gueira watched silently as Lio proceeded to have a whole conversation with this person. Meis wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. He partially wished for the sweet release of death, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to actually rest in peace after what he's heard this afternoon.

"Oh," Lio eventually said. A light flush rose to his cheeks and he swallowed thickly. "I understand now."

Meis blinked and shared a wide-eyed look with Gueira. "Uh, boss?" he asked gently. "Are you alright?"

Lio rubbed at one eye and looked away. "I'm fine."

"Sooo," Gueira began, tapping Lio's shoulder, "everything all good?"

"Yes, Lio lio underscore fotia has explained that I give them a sense of hope and strength. My work here in Promepolis is inspiring Burnish around the world to fight for a better life," Lio explained with a soft smile. "This one thought taking my name would give them a little more strength. Among other reasons."

"Oh," was the generals' only reply.

Lio wrapped a lock of his hair around his finger. "They said that kinning, to them, was relating heavily to a person or a character. Not that they believed they were me." He gave Gueira and Meis a triumphant grin. "Just as I previously said. It's a word that means they relate."

"Uh...sure, boss," Gueira said with a wince, giving up completely.

“Well,” Lio began with a smile that unknowingly promised only pain for Meis, “if that’s what kinning can be, I would like to make an announcement on Twitter.”

Gueira grabbed Lio’s shoulder as if that would stop him from doing God knows what. “Hey, uh, boss. Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?”

“I’m positive. I think this could really be the start of something good.”

“Are you sure?” Meis asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes.”

“Are you really sure?” Gueira asked again.

“Yes, I’m really sure.”

“Are you really, really sure?” Meis asked.

“I’m really, really sure.”

“Okay, but are you extra positive, 100%, mega-ultra sure?” Gueira.

Lio turned in his chair and kicked Gueira in the shin swiftly. “Yes,” he enunciated loudly, glaring at Meis and Gueira. “I am absolutely positive I would like to do this.”

Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
After a long discussion with a kinnie, I would like to announce that I kin Galo Thymos. Thank you for your time and I hope that, moving forward, we can continue to accomplish all we set out to do  
|  
Lio Fotia @BurnishBoss  
Do not worry. My name will stay as Lio Fotia  
|  
Lio 🔥 @lio_fotia  
NO THIS ISNT WHAT I MEANT PLEASEEEEEE JSDKLFJK  
|  
the real florida man @floridaman  
YOU

Aina Ardebit @ladyaina  
@BurningSoul come get your man and make him shut the fuck up on twitter for once i am literally BEGGING you

robot gremlin @sexyfexy  
you know what maybe sometimes lio DOESNT have rights

Ignis Ex @br3captain  
Are you kinning, son?

##### TRENDING

 **Kin**  
69.2k tweets  
Lio Fotia and the Ignis Ex are tweeting about this  
**Identity Theft**  
15.7k tweets  
Lio Fotia is tweeting about this  
**Lio Fotia**  
21.8k tweets  
robot gremlin and Aina Ardebit are tweeting about this 

How could everything go so wrong, so quickly? Meis rested his face in his hands, not even bothering to listen to what Lio and Gueira were arguing about.

The only thing they could do was wait for Galo's response and pray to literally every god out there that he would handle this situation. Because Gueira and Meis couldn't. Even Aina and Lucia seemed to want nothing to do with it.

Meis refused to think about what Ignis said.

Meis refreshed his Twitter feed once more and saw that Galo _had_ responded. Things were going to look up from here on out. Meis was ready to kiss the ground Galo walked upon for his bravery and level-headedness when it came to Lio Fotia, leader of Mad Burnish.

Galo was their savior. Their messiah. The only bitch in this world that Meis respected. Galo--

Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
i just woke up for my shift and i  
|  
Galo Thymos @BurningSoul  
im going back to bed

...Galo was a _coward_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait!! It's been like 5 months and I feel So Bad  
> yes the lio kin is a self insert and yes i have the lio_fotia handle on twitter, it works out
> 
> idk what's comin next it'll be a surprise to both you and me
> 
> Anyways, you can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lio_fotia) or ask/send me stuff on [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/marth_emblem) !! Please feel free to bother me

**Author's Note:**

> Next time: Gueira and Meis teach Lio about glomping. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
> 
> You don't see it but Gueira ordered like 4 Mighty Kids 6 piece nugget meals with large Shamrock shakes. Galo is very upset (he loves them, though).
> 
> Other characters will show up eventually and I might tag them when they actually do things, not just respond to a Twitter post bc not every character needs to be tagged right away lol and sorry that it's so Lio-centric, I am a fictional man's whore  
> Also shout-out to @roseleaf on Twitter for McDonald's Gueira. I have straight up cried laughing over those posts and wanted to include him in some way  
> Anyways you can bother me on Twitter or through Curious Cat with any suggestions or comments @marth_emblem ! I'm always looking for new material/jokes to work with. Even if it's just "hey, teach Lio about X Twitter thing", your feedback is appreciated


End file.
